Rule 1: Do not tuck into your food until it’s been photographed from every angle
The first rule of Instagram Husbandry is that one must not eat any food items until they have been photographed from every angle. Do not be embarrassed when she rearranges furniture or stands perilously on a chair in the middle of a restaurant/first class lounge in order to get the perfect shot – the well-trained Instagram Husband laughs in the face of public embarrassment, no matter where in the world he is.
To pass the time whilst waiting to begin eating why not become a helpful hand model (tabletop images with hands in are so on trend right now) and hold your fork pointedly over the dish you are waiting to tuck into. Do not act surprised if she needs to take your dish/cocktail/cold-beer-you’ve-dreamt-of-all-day to photograph it with a better background – she’ll always bring it back eventually.
Rule 2: Do suggest restaurants or activities on account of their Insta-ability
The well-trained Instagram Husband knows that holidays are all about photo opportunities. Help your Insta-loving Other Half by suggesting activities and restaurants based on their social media boastability. Never suggest any activity (eg cave diving or bungee jumping) that involve a ban or restriction on photography.
Rule 3: Always pack a big appetite
Bring a big appetite away with you to help her with all the dishes she’ll order to Instagram and then won’t be able to eat. Expect your food to be ordered according to what will be the most photogenic as opposed to what you’re actually craving.
Rule 4: Never unpack until she says so
Upon arrival at a new hotel do not even think about taking anything out of your suitcase until she’s photographed everything in the room. Do not touch the bed, go to the toilet or open the neatly wrapped soap. In fact, it’s best just to stand with your back to the door, holding both of your suitcases, until the photoshoot is over.
Rule 5: Remember the rule higher is always better
When taking photos of your beloved remember that the higher one holds the phone the more flattering the picture. Never bend down and catch her at an unforgiving angle and always take at least 20 photos at a time so she can select the ones she likes best. Earn extra points by shooting in landscape, portrait and square formats so she has photos in the correct dimensions for every social media platform.
Rule 6: Don’t expect to be in any photos
Make sure you take a few selfies of yourself if you want to be in any of your holiday photos. You may get to feature in a few shots if she asks to you pose first, solely so she can take the photo and show you on the screen exactly what she wants you to recreate with her in it. At least your hands will feature in a few food shots so you’ll always have them for the photo album.
Rule 7: Win brownie points by carrying a back up power supply
The ideal Instagram Husband is prepared for every eventuality. He’ll carry a back up power supply (with all necessary connecting cables), help carry camera lenses and, if he’s really good, will have a local sim card loaded up with data so she can stay connected wherever they go. He’ll always ask for the wifi password, if she hasn’t already, and would never dare suggest staying somewhere that doesn’t offer wifi complimentary.
Rule 8: Stay alert at all times
If the doting Instagram Husband wants to hold onto his Instagram Wifey he’ll have to be on the look out for any hazards (like moving vehicles and approaching cliff-faces) she may not see whilst posing for or uploading her latest selfie.
Insta Hubby may need to pull over the car at short notice to capture the last rays of sunset or go off-course at any moment if the slightest Insta-opportunity has been spotted. Keep an eye out for Insta-opportunities as keenly as she does and you’ll never been caught out/left standing in the middle of a strange city wondering where she disappeared to.
And finally we leave you with a tip for the Insta-loving ladies (and gentlemen). If your Instagram Husband nails a shot don’t forget to credit him. He’ll love basking in the fame of all those Insta likes – trust me!
About The Author
Jayne Gorman is a sun-loving freelance travel writer and blogger based in Sydney, Australia. This photo was taken by her much-appreciated Instagram Husband. Keep up to date with Jayne’s travels on her blog Girl Tweets World.